When a person with ADHD marries, their disorder affects many aspects relationship.  Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in adults has significant impact on one’s ability to establish close relationships - the closer the relationship, the more dramatic the impact.   

Attachment Problems

            Marital satisfaction can be predicted by one’s perception of their attachment to their spouse.  Several studies have revealed that the capacity to form intimate bonds with others is a principal feature of effective personality development and a key marker of mental health (Collins, 2004).  Attachment theory is the product of a desire to explain the attachment between infants and their primary care giver.  However, Bowlby found the basic functions of the attachment system continue to operate in adulthood (as cited in Collins).  The type of attachment formed depends upon the sensitivity and responsiveness to the person’s needs and signals.    The study done by Paul Ward (2008) found that only 33% adults with ADHD have secure type attachments with their spouse whereas, 70% of the non-ADHD adults have secure attachments.  Ward’s study confirms the findings of Donna McCoy research from 2003.  However, McCoy’s study also found that although the attachment style was stable for the first 18 months of the relationship, it could become more stable if the ADHD individual was married to a person who had a secure attachment style.  This result may show that a secure partner can provide the structure and support that the ADHD person needs to function successfully.

            Several studies find that adults with ADHD experience significantly lower levels of marital satisfaction than control groups without ADHD (Banks, 1999; Ward, 2008).   Murphy and Barkley report that adults with ADHD not only reported lower levels of marital satisfaction; they also had higher rates of divorce and more re-marriages than controls (as cited in Murray, 2003).   

Intimacy Problems

            ADHD plays a big role in the ability of people with the disorder to enjoy sexual encounters.  Sexual intimacy is a key element of marriage relationships.    Hallowell and Ratey (2006) report that every ADHD adult they interviewed experienced sexual problems related to the disorder.  For most people, the first phase of sex causes the mind and body to relax.  For a person with ADHD “relaxing of the mind” allows their thoughts to roam from one topic to another.  The inattention that characterizes ADHD can communicate a lack of interest to the partner and hinder sexual performance.  The most common sexual problem related to a person with ADHD is the inability to linger (Hallowell & Ratey).  Another characteristic of ADHD that causes a lack of sexual intercourse is poor time management.  Many times an individual with ADHD will have every intention of having sexual intercourse with their partner, however throughout the day so many things crowd into their mind that by the time finish everything they are too exhausted to perform sexually (Hallowell & Ratey).  This causes their spouse to feel that they are not a priority in the ADHD person’s life.  While the person with ADHD considers their spouse an essential component of their life, they just do not have enough control of their thoughts to communicate this well.

Partnership Problems

            Since marriage is a partnership between two people who agree to share their lives, most people expect their partner to be interested in the things they do and help with household responsibilities.  The shifting attentions of a person with ADHD can cause confusion for their partner.  For example, someone who loves hiking during the dating phase of the relationship may have no interest in it by the first wedding anniversary.  The shifting interests combined with impulsivity makes it difficult for a person with ADHD to stay in the same job for a prolonged amount of time, so they do not bring as much income into a partnership.  Compound the lack of income with the impulsive spending habits that characterize the disorder and it becomes obvious these relationships suffer from financial stress.  Paul Ward (2008) finds that the person with ADHD and their spouse report more negative perceptions of their relationship than the control group. He also reports ADHD in families is associated with increased stress, fewer resources, and limited coping methods for the family.   

            Halverstadt (1998) found that forgetfulness is one ADHD trait attributed to undermining romantic relationships.  The problem is not that people with ADHD are unromantic.  Often, romantic relationships form because people with ADHD can hyper focus on the needs of their significant others.  Problems come when their attention focuses on something else and their partners feel deserted. The truth is, a person with ADHD rarely forgets things. In reality, they just remember them at the wrong time.  They often become completely absorbed planning great romantic surprise for birthdays, anniversaries, or other important dates, months in advance and cause their partner to feel neglected because the ADHD person does not share their thoughts during this time.  However, by the time the date arrives, the ADHD person’s attention shifts and they forget to carry out their plans.